.png)
It’s one thing to support patients through major health experiences. It’s another thing entirely when it’s your spouse.
Recently, my wife went through a hysterectomy, and even before that,she was experiencing the confusing and emotional rollercoaster that is perimenopause. As a chiropractor, I spend my days helping patients find natural, conservative care options whenever possible. Surgery is rarely the first recommendation in my world. So when it became clear my wife truly needed one, it was a big moment for both of us.
And like many husbands, I wanted to help... but I also quickly realized I had a lot to learn.
The First Step: Education (For Both of Us)
When my wife’s nurse practitioner (read more about Shannon's care team in THIS BLOG POST) suggested she read The New Menopause by Dr. Mary Claire Haver, she shared that with me. And even though Shannon hadn’t read it yet, I bought the book and dove in.
Why?
Because I didn’t want to be ignorant. Times are changing, and so is our understanding of women’s health, hormones, and the menopause transition. This book opened my eyes to:
How outdated and misleading some hormone-related research used to be.
The importance of estrogen in women’s long-term health: brain, bones, & cardiovascular system.
How hormone replacement therapy has been misunderstood and, in many cases, unfairly villainized.
The fact that many medical opinions are shifting as physicians themselves go through menopause and advocate for better care.
It helped remove fear. It replaced uncertainty with understanding. And honestly, it made me a better support system for her. CLICK HERE for the book.
Processing the Need for Surgery
When the conversation shifted from symptoms to solutions and surgery was on the table, I approached it the same way I do for my patients:
Gather the facts
Look at the test results
Research the options
Listen to others who’ve been through it
Yes, I hit medical forums. I read firsthand stories. I looked at surgical techniques and success rates. I asked questions. And as the information stacked up, it became clear that in her case, this wasn’t something lifestyle alone could overcome. It was the right choice, medically and long-term.
Sometimes caring holistically means recognizing when a medical intervention is truly necessary.
Advice to Partners in the Same Situation
If your spouse is going through perimenopause, hormone changes, or facing big health decisions, here’s what I would say:
Don’t sit on the sidelines.
We will never fully understand the female experience but we can still listen, learn, and be present.
Educate yourself.
Use every tool available: books, online resources, even AI (I prefer GROK) to understand the terminology, treatment options, and emotional experience.
Don’t dismiss what she’s feeling.
Hormones affect mood, energy, cognition, and sleep. Literally everything. This isn’t just moodiness, fatigue or laziness. It’s real physiology.
Be a team.
Ask questions. Attend appointments when you can. Discuss options together.
Your support matters more than you think.
A Final Thought
Health isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey. As chiropractors, we champion natural healing, movement, and lifestyle. But we also believe in informed decision-making and sometimes the most empowered, holistic choice is a medical one.
If you or someone you love is going through this stage of life, know that you’re not alone, and there are resources and support systems that can help.
Sometimes the most healing thing we can offer one another is understanding.
This is part one of a two part series, please check back next week, when I'll be sharing my suggestions for post-surgery recovery.
CLICK HERE to read Shannon's take on this.